


Tense

by shumikas



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Depression, Established Relationship, Hopeful Ending, M/M, Recovery, Sad, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-21
Updated: 2020-09-21
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:08:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26575006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shumikas/pseuds/shumikas
Summary: WARNING for you: !! **Please don't read if you are triggered by suicide (attempts) and the topic of. The part it's described goes a little in depth. This would not be a good read for you.** !!Mika has taken up residence in Shu's room after his way-too-close call with death. Shu is trying to help, knowing there's not much he can do unless he takes down the walls he's built around himself.He realizes he will, and that he'd do anything for the boy sleeping next to him.
Relationships: Itsuki Shuu/Kagehira Mika
Comments: 3
Kudos: 56





	Tense

Tossing and turning for the millionth time that night, a particularly restless Shu Itsuki stared up at the ceiling. He was content with the idea of giving up on sleeping, and going to finish one of his countless projects instead. He should have, really… with all the units asking him to finish their costumes (on such short notice). He would typically decline, but he had grown soft. He was sure of it. And they were using that to their advantage--showing up with members like Sora Harukawa who he could not refuse a request from. Children were precious and that  _ Chibisuke _ was no exception. He was bubbling over with energy and smiles were of his daily attire just like their school uniform. He wished he could say the same for the boy asleep next to him. He used to be downright cheery. But he was miserable.

He slept on his side with his hair all about, his dark shirt covering his hands with its sleeves. Just like every night, he was on two pillows while Shu only had his one. It was something Mika made very clear to him, if he didn’t have two pillows and a stuffed animal he absolutely could not sleep. Well, his teddy bear was by his stomach, but at least he had it. Shu didn’t mind, he was rather interested in it honestly. But he knew it was only because of Mika’s lack of comfort that he had to sleep with the bear.

He didn’t want to worry about what or who was at fault for the moment, knowing very well it was probably his own mistakes that made him feel that way. Or Nito leaving them. Or Valkyrie being driven into the mud. Dwelling over it wasn’t as big of a deal then as making sure Mika was getting better. He would find time to make up for it when the anxiety that one day he would wake up and Mika would not was gone.

He sighed, turning his head to look at Mika deep in slumber. He stayed on his back, arms under the blanket and hands folded over his waist. His eyes traced the outline the moonlight left on Mika’s dark hair, and his shoulders. Up to the hem of his shirt draped over his pale skin. His hair, that needed a trim very soon, was pulled apart at the ends, showing off the back of his neck. His eyes went wide, suddenly feeling cold and uncomfortable. He started shifting his hands, rubbing his thumbs over each other and pressing his fingertips together under the silk sheets and the soft throw blanket over them. The sight of his neck bared like that made his head reel, it was far too similar to the scene he’d walked in on  _ that _ night. The reason Mika’s belongings had been moved into his room, why he was asleep in Shu’s bed instead of the one he was assigned to the night he moved in a year before.

He felt sick.

Tears welled up in his eyes, blurring his vision which was already bad from the lack of lighting at such an hour to be awake. Biting the insides of his cheeks, he blinked away all the tears he could manage.

The night Mika had slipped rope around his throat and tried to take his own life. His stomach felt unsettled at the thought, he felt like he was choking. If he’d forgotten to ask about his laundry until even a few minutes later… he closed his eyes tightly, trying to will away his dread. Mika would be gone. For good. He couldn’t figure out how to admit it, but Mademoiselle was right in saying if Mika left him he’d bawl his eyes out. Especially like that. He never wanted to see the things he saw that night, in that instance. All of it he could remember so clearly, and it was stuck in his head. It kept playing over and over again when he couldn’t sleep. Like a scary movie, but it was all too real.

_ He heard it as he turned the doorknob in his hand, shuffling amidst a faint sob. It sounded choked back, followed by a hiccup and some harsh breathing. But the scene before him when the door was opened was much worse than anything he could have thought Mika would be up to. Right in front of the big window in his room, rope strung from the ceiling wrapped tightly into a noose. Mika’s shaking form had frozen, hands gripping the rope that hung loose around his throat. _

_ Thank god. He couldn’t think of anything else, just that he was glad he’d caught him before and not after. _

_ That didn’t help his heart racing in his chest, or that he was dizzy and lightheaded. He couldn’t think. He couldn’t just pull him off the ottoman he was standing on, the rope would just catch and things would get a lot worse. So Shu called out to him in his suddenly hoarse voice. _

_ “Mika.” Shu never used any name but Kagehira for him, so he was being serious. He got no response for a while, just the boy standing motionless looking out the window.  _ _  
_ _ “Mika,” he said a little louder, raspy because of his dry throat. He swallowed. _ _  
_ _ “Please.” A sniffle, and then another hushed sob. This was Mika in shambles. It was horrifying.  _ _  
_ _ “Please don’t.” He didn’t know what to say really. The look in Mika’s eyes when he turned his head slightly was something Shu had only seen in nightmares where horrible awful things had happened. Just a terrified, hopeless, empty gaze. It just about knocked all the air out of him.  _ _  
_ _ “Will you-… can I help you? Please?” Shu was stepping a bit closer, watching as his grip faltered on the rope before he gave a nod, biting down on his lip so hard it bled. _ _  
_ _ “Don’t- Don’t move. Just… stay still. For just a second.” His lungs felt like they were failing him as he reached Mika, stepping up onto the ottoman next to him and easing the rope away from his neck with tremendously shaky hands. And then he got down, lifting the boy off by his thighs and shifting him in his arms until his hands were at Shu’s shoulders while he sobbed into his shirt, nails digging into the fabric. _

_ He couldn’t let go of Mika all that night, something in him wouldn’t allow him. He was too afraid to. He couldn’t lose Mika, couldn’t, absolutely couldn’t. He would be too heartbroken. Losing Mika would be the end of Shu Itsuki. _

Shu reached up to wipe at his eyes with his palm, his other arm wrapping around his middle to grip his shirt on the opposite side. A shaky exhale left him once his tears were finally gone. He dried his hands on the throw blanket… just tears, he’d wash it tomorrow… or something… some time. He blinked his eyes open again, staring at the expanse of pale skin. His fingers brushed against it, sliding over it so his palm was pressed there.

His skin was warm. Just like it had always been--except maybe while he was out in the cold of Winter. Shu bit at the inside of his cheek again, turning onto his side finally to lean in closer.

How could he ever say out loud how much Mika meant to him? How dear he was? He couldn’t, even if he was able to speak about it there would never be a word grand or fitting enough to really say anything about his own feelings. But he wished he could. Mika deserved to hear it, at the very least. He deserved everything. Shu would never be able to tell him that but he absolutely did.

He unwrapped his arm from his side and reached over Mika’s waist to find his hand, landing himself with his nose against his neck while pushing his fingers in between the other boy’s. His other hand went  _ under  _ Mika’s waist. Shu pulled him in closer, pressing his chest against the other’s back.

Not only was his neck warm where he’d touched it briskly, he was warm all over. That alone filled Shu with a sense of security he knew he had no right to have. Mika Kagehira in his arms, alive and breathing, even drooling a little onto his pillow. Probably having dreams about something childish like candy or puppies. He always shifted and made small distressed noises when he had nightmares, so at least it wasn’t that. Sleeping as if he wasn’t the most precious person in the world and had not tried to rid the world of himself just a month ago. He probably thought about it even if he didn’t want to… but he could sleep at the very least, which was good. Very good.

“Ah… Kagehira…” He closed his eyes tighter, willing himself to try and sleep again before he inevitably said something stupid he couldn’t take back. Boy was he good at that.  _ I don’t know what to do with you. _ He had mulled it over before deciding finally that no, therapy would not help. Mika would just not talk to a therapist, most likely… if they could even find one.

To hell with his embarrassment. He’d figure out a way to speak on his feelings. Tomorrow, for sure. It’d be done. He was able to relax, just barely. He was a light sleeper so if the other got up he’d be able to tell.

A small noise brought him back, hearing another as he squeezed on Mika’s hand and, unbelievably, he squeezed back, albeit weakly from sleep. That alone made Shu’s face redden, just a bit. He wondered shortly if maybe he’d been awake all this time but… there was no way. He’d definitely complain about Shu being all over him. It wasn’t like they’d never slept this way. As of recent they’d been finding themselves closer and closer upon bedtime. Sometimes intentionally… as in, Mika would climb into his bed before he moved into Shu’s room and lie with him so he could fall asleep. They hadn’t been together for a terribly long time, half a year at best. But outside of “maintenance” excessive physical contact was not often their forte.

Shu sighed again. Exhaustion was catching up with him at long last.

He hoped Mika wouldn’t wake up as he whispered  _ goodnight  _ against his neck, falling asleep some time after. With Mika in his arms, right where he belonged.

He would be alright.  _ Mika was going to be alright.  _ He’d make sure of it.  



End file.
